When I received the phone call from my daughter that she had stage 3 breast cancer, we both cried. I put the phone down and looked up at God and cried out "not my girl, not my girl, take me! take me! not my girl".
We dealt with the following consultations with
courage. My daughter has now had a port inserted in her neck and chest in readiness for the six weekly sessions of chemothe
rapy that she must endure before her operation.
We, as a family, do not worry unnecessarily, but I find she is in my thoughts constantly. I know she is a brave, strong girl, but the thought of what she has to go through tears at my heart. She will lose her hair, eyelashes and eyebrows. The wig h
as been sourced and even a makeup lesson will be given. As her mother I feel real pain, it is as if I want to take it away from her. If only.
My daughter starts her first chemo tomorrow. It will take 3 - 4 hours and then she will work from home that afternoon. We do not know how she will react, we will find out as we go along. A wigmaker is coming to her home. My daughter is a high flying lawyer and will still have to deal with clients. She is in my thoughts and prayers constantly. Her partner has been a tower of strength.
My daughter is a star, she managed the cold cap and chemo even though it took six attempts to insert the cannula. The surgeon had to do it in the end. She is sore and bruised but upbeat. Her temperature must be done daily and she has steroids and syringes. The wig has been chosen and two nice headwear scarves. She is anxious for her next scan. Please God that the cancer has not spread. All my daughter wants is to work and ride her beloved horse.
I went to see my daughter today. She looked better than I expected. She remains positive. We had a fashion show of her wig "Emu" her name for it and her two headscarves. She is wired from the steroids and cannot sleep. She is for that reason sleeping on her own. I also cannot sleep as she is in my thoughts al
ways. My lack of sleep is showing on me I am short tempered and everything seems to be going wrong. Tears are always close by.
My daughter is now experiencing "flushing" which is like pins and needles. It is my daughter's second chemo today. My stomach churns and I hold back the tears that my child is being hurt. Her bravery is astounding. She has her horse magazine from her niece and a home made bracelet of faith and hope from her other niece. She is loved and we are all thinking of her. I cried today telling an old family friend that my daughter had breast cancer. The grief and fear are always there even when you put on a brave face.
I have been a bit low for a few days as I can tell my daughter is finding the loss of her hair very upsetting. She is not ready to shave her head. My heart goes out to her. It is so sad to hear her voice lowered. She is such a positive girl by nature. I feel helpless and sad that my brave girl is going through this battle.
My daughter's third chemo today. I cry when I tell people, although I seem strong I am struggling emotionally. I know her partner is too. My girl is at the halfway mark today with the chemo. My daughter is now having to wear her wig as her hair has fallen out. She will be "hyper" this weekend on the steroids and injections - then she comes down!
Some good news the latest scan showed the tumour had shrunk to half its original size. The consultant has put in a titanium dart in her breast so the surgeon knows where to go!
I cannot tell you how proud I am of my daughter, the way she is dealing with cancer head on. She is a warrior and my lasting wish that she be a survivor.
My daughter had some very disappointing news she now has to have an additional two chemo sessions. It means more misery and now her operation will be delayed by two months. It affects everything - work - holidays and going through the winter being vulnerable trying to avoid all the flu and cold bugs which could land her in hospital.
It is my daughter's 47th birthday today. I am going to her birthday tea. I have had a marvellous Pumpkin cake made - we will have some fun as it is Halloween as well.
My daughter had her fifth chemo today. She is more tired than normal and has been given extra medication to counterbalance all the drugs and their side effects. My daughter never complains, she just gets on with it and even found the energy to text me and ask how I was feeling. I have just returned from South Africa where I had taken my brother's ashes. Unfortunately I came back with a flu like virus.
My daughter's second ultrasound confirms that the tumour has shrunk again. Her chemo is making her more exhausted as the drugs are stronger and the sessions are weekly so no time for her body to recover.
She has bought herself a Porsche with her critical illness claim. That's my girl!
We are all praying we are well this Christmas so we can be together. My daughter cannot be in contact with any illness it could be critical for her as her immune system has been lowered by the chemo. She is now having horrendous nose bleeds and has a worrying tremor in her left hand, which is more worrying as she is left handed. My poor brave girl. Is there no end to her torment?
A week of tears of joy and sorrow, her BRCA test proved positive in that she does not have the gene that would necessitate losing both her breasts and ovaries. The following day her blood levels were down to 1.5 which is very low. Quarantine now until the next blood test as she is so vulnerable to infection. My poor girl I have sobbed this week I cannot tell you how helpless I feel. My daughter has now broken out in a burning rash. Her nails are beginning to come away from her nail beds. Although her blood count went up she was too ill to have chemo.
My daughter was inspiring over Christmas, she really enjoyed herself, only once did she need to rest in bed. I admire her so much.
My girl has finished with chemo due to problems with her hands. We also found out the tumour has shrunk again due to the brutal chemo.
We are now prepared mentally for her operation in February. My daughter is in good spirits playing hooky from chemo! She has more energy and is working almost a full day. Obviously she finds it very tiring. Her nails are healing slowly and some feeling is coming back in her hands thank goodness. My daughter thinks she is being catapulted into menopause as she is having night sweats. A side effect of the chemo.
Well it is here. The operation is tomorrow. I am as nervous as a kitten. My child is going under the knife for such a serious operation for a woman. I am dithering about driving to the hospital in Reading. I have a dog sitter arranged, the practicalities of life still have to go on.
The operation day comes and we sat with my daughter until her surgery was due. She looked so vulnerable, no hair, glasses, and all gowned up as she walked to the operating room. Her partner squeezed my arm and we both had tears in our eyes. I had already cried twice that morning.
We talked and ate sandwiches whilst we waited anxiously for my daughter's safe return. The trolley arrived and there she was sitting up and wanting cups of Earl Grey tea and biscuits! Checking to see is she had two boobs and thrilled at the size of the scars.
When I got home I sank a glass of wine. I was so tired, I thanked God so many times that night before I finally slept.
My next visit was to my daughter's home. She had made Lemon Posset all with her "good" arm, luckily her surgery was on her right side. We ate and talked She is working an hour a day from home. My daughter is truly amazing. My mother was very strong, I also have had to be, so it is in the genes.
We have had weeks of calm apart from Coronavirus! My girl has been working and getting back to some normality in these uncertain times. She has been measured for her radiotherapy, which starts today. Because of Coronavirus her safety is paramount and she will have to drive herself for nearly an hour to a hospital considered safe.
I feel teary today as I could not get onto a family Skype call to wish her well. I sent her a text.
My daughter has now undergone eighteen sessions of radiotherapy and apart from being sore - a bit like sunburn - she has now finished her course.
The video of my daughter ringing the bell made me sob. You see it on the television and yes it is a wonderful sight, but when it is your child the tears just stream.
My girl is riding, working and although there are still issues. Her hair will not grow back, she might her skin cancer and is having a biopsy soon. We are so grateful to the wonderful medical team that her got her this far. She will continue to deal with what comes her way. I could not be more proud.
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